‘Us’ is Over

I already chose, and that what would I do, I promised….

“Don’t you see? We have nothing. I tried to find something else, but you always said that all would be alright, and now what we have just love,” I said it loudly, hurt but I’ve nothing left in my head. At least, she went sadly, never looked back. Feeling good, she didn’t know it, her pain hurted me first before touched her.

Like every people knew, love is one of the best thing in life, and the worst thing that could destroy any life. The love gave me rhyme to live, and I never could say ready to welcome it or leave it. I read a lot of book to understand the meaning of love, but like just now, I got blind.

“Please, let me feel it longer… every love I met just a wind in desert, only greet me. I can pass this, I should pass this,” I mourned. The last words I repeated it silently.

*******

The next morning, some of my self felt relieved, but most felt disappointed, empty. This room, mine, was the place I always wanted, but now, I needed to go before anything change my decision. My breathe couldn’t find its air, I needed to go out now, but before I really did it, suddenly she came in and all was blank.

**

I came in, I didn’t know what I did, but I just wanted to see him. I couldn’t hide my swollen eyes, but I was losing my all tears and reason to keep crying. I just couldn’t let him go. The man in front of me, the man who always kept in touch in this last six month, and the one who said enough last night. I didn’t want to look at his eyes, but I could see how he tried to do the same. He just couldn’t hide his surprise.

“What are you looking  for?” I could see, that was the best question in his empty-minded. Dumb.

“I’m still looking for a reason,” and that’s true.

“I’ve told you. Should I repeat it?” his voice sounded stronger.

“I don’t need it,” I said. I took a breathe “Last night had passed, and I won’t asked about last night anymore. May be this is childish, but I need to know, I need to know what was your feeling, in the day before yesterday, or may be last week, or last month – before the words last night appeared in your head – about us? How much the meaning of ‘us’ in your heart, or your head if your heart too hard to answer it?” I could feel the tears in surface of my eyes.

“Those don’t mean anymore for you”.

“Show me if you don’t care about it, about us. Cause ‘us’ gave me a lot. What wrong with us that…”

“Stop it,” he snapped, desperate I thought. “I want you to know. Now, there are just you and me. There isn’t ‘us’. There won’t be any ‘us’ anymore. It is over… please let it over”.

I hope I could wake up now, I wasn’t ready to face this off. I thought I could get a better feeling to make me stop crying, but I was wrong.

“I just cannot stop thinking of you. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, these all are my fault. Let me fix it, just don’t let it over,” I begged. I hope this was enough to make this nightmare over, let me awoke.

**

I never saw her like this. Hopeless, despair, broken, smashed. I wanted to stop all of this. This wasn’t her fault. I didn’t want she tought that all these were hers. But, I’ve promised to my self, for our best.

“Please show me what should I do to mend all, I just can’t apart from you. I can’t stay with this incomplete. I’m sorry… please, forgive me,” she continued.

“Don’t you hear me? I have nothing else to talk about with you,” I tried to louder my voice, I hoped it sounded like I was shouting. “We are over, nothing to fix, you don’t need to mend anything, just ….,” I couldn’t continue it. She was kneeling. Her tears fell down.

“Arrghhhh…,” I shouted desperately. I never stood in this situation, and this was the first time she did it.

I came to her, I knelt and looked at her. She still bowed. At least my tears fell. I watched around my room, hoping could reduce the pain inside my heart. I touched her shoulders.

“Please, don’t make this hard,” I softened my voice. “We both know, you wanted this over too,” I reviewed the past story. She gazed at me. “And I think we can’t stay together anymore. All of memories won’t stop this. Just keep each of us alive without other. Keep alive without that word, ‘us’,” something appeared in my head, this was really difficult to say. “Or may be, you can… you can find someone other to complete that word,” I hoped she didn’t listen to me that time. I was crying, in my heart.

I was wrong. Never thinking, this could be so difficult. The book was wrong too, this wasn’t easy.

“You see, I’m here now. I believe in you, I believe in our love that based us. I realize, I realize how I destroyed everything. But let me fix it, I don’t know how sick being like this, just let me. I won’t even let …”

“Sssstt… ,” I interrupted her.

“I swear I’ll do anything for you, for us. Just please. You’re the only reason I’m here now. I don’t….”

“Sssst…..  Listen to me,” I could felt her fear. “Please, don’t ever  think this is not hard for me. I just can’t see anything about us. Let it over here… Look at me,” I called her from watching the floor, “You’ll be the best one I ever had, trust me..”

I pulled her to stand, she reflectly hugged me, tight. I couldn’t just stay. I hugged her too, might be for the last time, I didn’t want to over this. This girl, in my embrace, I won’t let her disappear from my heart even from my head. All of this tears would be pricefull in the future. Just keep shining like a sun at noon, and like a star at night. I closed my eyes and felt it deeply, for the last time.