ga pernah ada valentine yang buruk, seumur hidup 21 hari valentine sama seperti hari biasa, hanya lebih banyak coklat bertebaran.
and for these years, there are more musings.
i feel peace, a peace that i need and fit me. although this backache is killing me (not that bad) but today is nice and it throws me back to a year ago.
i never plan about valentine but last year is my best valentine i guess (still waiting for the better to put last year aside). for the first time i could give that day a meaning, meaning for myself mostly and may be also the day that turn me into something, as a rebel, as a kid, as a grown up individual, as a useless and purposeless person. i didn't regret it, even i enjoyed the change and the questions that popped up for full of this year.
and there are still another musings. i hate to say but i feel i need help. o loose my sympathy to a person, a person who actually should get 100% of my sympathy and empathy. i loose it and i don't know how to find it back. but i want to find it back. I've seen my friends, they experienced worse, they don't have chance to fix it or enjoy the pleasure of having this person longer and i don't want to experience it first to make me appreciate it more. i wish by listening and understanding to my friends experiences, i will change, i will have more sympathy, i will be an easier person, i will try to match more, i will obey more. but the fact goes the other way. stubborn heads meet each other and sometimes just make it worse. more fight, more yell, more complain.
while now, i am still looking for the answer about some questions. what i want for my life? who am i? what am i doing? what happen with me? can i die now? or soon?
but it's my valentine day, a peace one. in my last two valentine, i get 2 information that the opposite of each other from one person. nice... wish you a long life
and for these years, there are more musings.
i feel peace, a peace that i need and fit me. although this backache is killing me (not that bad) but today is nice and it throws me back to a year ago.
i never plan about valentine but last year is my best valentine i guess (still waiting for the better to put last year aside). for the first time i could give that day a meaning, meaning for myself mostly and may be also the day that turn me into something, as a rebel, as a kid, as a grown up individual, as a useless and purposeless person. i didn't regret it, even i enjoyed the change and the questions that popped up for full of this year.
too desperate to feel sad and lost, and still don't have a reason to be happy, just a grateful of today and of the feelingi don't want chocolate, i know exactly what i want for today but i also realize that there is 0% chance to make it happen, and me myself doesn't push forward to make the chance bigger, cause it's not right. i might feel the euphoria but i will loose my peace feeling and for now i choose the peace. too much euphoria could hurt more when it end.
and there are still another musings. i hate to say but i feel i need help. o loose my sympathy to a person, a person who actually should get 100% of my sympathy and empathy. i loose it and i don't know how to find it back. but i want to find it back. I've seen my friends, they experienced worse, they don't have chance to fix it or enjoy the pleasure of having this person longer and i don't want to experience it first to make me appreciate it more. i wish by listening and understanding to my friends experiences, i will change, i will have more sympathy, i will be an easier person, i will try to match more, i will obey more. but the fact goes the other way. stubborn heads meet each other and sometimes just make it worse. more fight, more yell, more complain.
while now, i am still looking for the answer about some questions. what i want for my life? who am i? what am i doing? what happen with me? can i die now? or soon?
but it's my valentine day, a peace one. in my last two valentine, i get 2 information that the opposite of each other from one person. nice... wish you a long life
